The Crescent

Bro Tanks Invasion

September 11, 2013

by Levi Bowers

That special time of year is upon us once again. That time of year when changes become most notable: the leaves are beginning to turn to their fall colors and the days are getting even shorter. Soon we will be walking around in long pants and jackets. (Besides those crazy people who wear shorts in January, anyways.)

The George Fox campus has also gone through its own changes since the end of last semester. The Stoffer Family Stadium is steadily taking shape, some buildings have received new paint jobs, and even more obviously, multitudes of new faces have appeared.

There is one change that is quite distressing, though. It is a trend that seems to be slowly taking over the George Fox community, or at least the men. This trend I am referring to is the bro tank.

The bro tank in itself is not inherently evil. Ryan Gosling can pull it off (and there are some people who would want him to). But, like aviator sunglasses and overalls, the bro tank is not for everyone.

There are some guys out there who, through their discipline and hard work, are perceived by many as having the ability to make the bro tank work for them. Of course, there is a fine line between wearing clothes that make one look and feel good and just blatantly showing off. No one likes that guy.

But what about those fellows who are not particularly in shape, such as the beanpoles among us? Put on something with sleeves.The message received from the bro tank wardrobe choice just sends a message of desperation to fit in with those who can pull off the look. Besides, with the bro tank often being decorated with horizontal stripes, the wearer ends up looking like a sleeveless Russian sailor.

It gets worse. The plunging neckline, while allowing the wearer to feel cooler, can reveal something that makes many uncomfortable: chest hair. No one wants to see someone walking around in a bro tank with what looks like a large tarantula trying to escape from it.

Call me old fashioned or whatever other name you want, but a good T-shirt is the way to go. It says, “Hey, I’m a nice, approachable guy. Let’s get coffee.” Some will balk at getting a farmer’s tan (which is ridiculous because there is no shame in being a farmer), but since this is Oregon, your tans will soon fade away nonetheless. That is just the nature of the season.

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